Misfits come of age - What it feels like for a girl

British Cinematographer

Selecting tools and techniques to reflect the energy or intimacy of a scene were essential for Si Bell BSC, Kate Reid BSC and Neus Ollé BSC AEC when lensing the screen adaptation of the witty and wild memoir of a teen discovering their identity. 

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What It Feels Like for a Girl follows Byron, a teenager from Nottingham in a coming-of-age drama that explores escape, self-discovery and self-destruction. Based on the memoirs of the same name by author, presenter and activist Paris Lees, and adapted by Lees herself for BBC Three, the Hera Pictures production is variously raw, heartbreaking and hilarious. 

The eight-part series opens with young Byron – a fictionalised version of Paris’s younger self, played by Ellis Howard – living in a dysfunctional family, and beginning to explore their sexuality. Though only 15, Byron is soon catapulted into a world of prostitution and drugs. A trip to the heart of Nottingham’s wild nightlife proves transformative for Byron as they encounter a gang of queer misfits who will soon become a second family and call themselves the ‘Fallen Divas’. 

The glam look of the show is immediately striking. In colour scheme as well as its hallucinatory drugs, sex and abuse storyline it recalls Michaela Coel’s I Will Destroy You (2020) so it comes as no surprise that this was a key design reference. Another was HBO teen drama Euphoria. 

Look design was a collaboration between key heads including lead director Brian Welsh (Black Mirror) with Si Bell BSC (A Very British Scandal, Peaky Blinders) working with production designer Gem Randall and set dec Miri Katz, costume designer Nirage Mirage and gaffer Gary Chasity. 

“Everyone agreed that we didn’t want the usual kitchen sink council estate look but for a multi-coloured pastel and fluorescent scheme that nonetheless wasn’t too glossy,” says Bell. 

In early 2024, having finished BBC drama Miss Austen, the DP wasn’t sure if he wanted to dive straight into another show his agent had suggested for him. 

After watching “cool teaser videos” Hera had produced to get funding and also reading Lees’ book, he was convinced. “It just seemed so good as a project. When I met with Brian in Bristol we clicked on how to tell the story.” 

For what is a relatively low-budget production (compared to US drama), the filmmakers had the luxury of eight weeks prep which Bell believes is key to how well the story works on screen. 

“We had time to find and select locations, planning certain set pieces and sorting builds,” he says. The latter included the build of a toilet cubical fitted with removeable ceiling for top-down shots and the flat for Byron’s father Steve (Michael Socha) which was redressed for scenes set in his mother’s flat. Another flat for Liam’s character which we see in scenes of an after party in the first couple of episodes was another set build. All were on stages at Urban Myth Studios in Newport with locations in and around South Wales and Bristol (including of a squat party location in episode five) doubling for Nottingham.  

A second unit shot signature streets in Nottingham “and some big wides to sell the geography of the place”. Scenes were also staged in nearby Newstead Abbey and Hucknall, notably of a statue of Lord Byron seen in episode one. 

Reflecting experiences 

Most work went into finding and lighting the various nightclubs visited by Byron and the Divas. These were mainly shot in the Circuit and District clubs in Cardiff. Lees herself would input her lived experience of how different clubs felt to her around the millennium. 

“It was important to find the right spaces and fill them with extras and plan the lighting to make them each feel different,” Bell says. “One would be much more grimy, green hot and sweaty with strobe light and a more edgy techno vibe, others are very pink with soft neon lighting, less jarring. We wanted each club to have an identity which we achieve with light and colour. Even when we revisit a club for later scenes we needed the experience to reflect the character’s experience.” 

They worked from the club’s existing LED lights, changing the colours to fittings to capture in camera rather than using gels. They added a few lights to the floor to light faces and the production desk op often worked with the lighting desk op of the club itself.  

“It’s tricky to recreate a pink blue violet/indigo colour which can look super red if you’re not careful but I think we got the balance right,” Bell says. 

The movement of beams of light helped make the club look busy. “A big thing for us was to make the club feel like a club and not fall into the classic TV drama trap of being unable to fill the screen with energy because you lack sufficient extras. We tried not to flat light so everything was back lit to sell the illusion of more depth in the space. If we had all the lights facing forward from the camera it would expose the fact we didn’t have many extras. You might see less but you feel more energy and shape.” 

He commends 1st AD Joe Lea for her work in these scenes. “While we were concentrating on getting the shot with the actors she got all the extras amped up and made it feel like a party even if it was a wet Tuesday morning.” 

The grade by colourist Michelle Cort from Outpost based in Pinewood took colour to another level.  

“I didn’t want it to be too clean or the image too pretty,” says Bell who shot with grain baked in to the ARRI Alexa 35 (G833 Custom Super Nostalgic Arri Texture). “We tested different strengths of grain and decided on a medium option which we enhanced a touch in the grade.  Michelle made a LUT based on a film emulation that we tweaked with DIT Lewis Williams (of Twindraig) on set. 

Cinematic quality 

Bell’s choice of Hawk V-Lite anamorphic lenses added the right amount of distortion and further took the edge off the image, giving cinematic quality. He says, “I’ve always wanted to shoot them and never had the opportunity. We tested them and Brian loved it.”  

The camera package was hired from Movietech (now part of Sunbelt Rentals). “Since we were shooting a lot of handheld I loved the small form factor of the camera also we could mount it on a Ronin and use as a remote head, on a crane and also have the grips carry it with me operating the head using DJI Master Wheels.” 

He also appreciated the Alexa 35’s latitude which gave them more freedom to shoot on a tight schedule. “I wasn’t worried about clipping highlights or having to ND a window. With this camera you can get away with a lot more.” 

The single camera features a lot of handheld but there were no rules as to which scenes were handheld or not, Bell reports. “When we intuitively felt the scene needed an energy or intimacy we went handheld.” 

At times, and particularly when showing Byron’s point of view, the camera seems to float as if slightly high on drink/drugs/euphoria or dreaming.  

“What I try to do is get in the flow of the scene and into a space where I’m not thinking about it too much,” Bell says. “I like to balance the camera perfectly on my shoulder so I almost don’t have to hold it and just move with the actors, wherever the emotion goes, trying to emphasise certain beats.” 

He was aided by regular partners grip Paul Kemp and focus puller Tom Finch. “If everyone gets into that space of reacting to performance and feeling it in the moment you can get these magical moments. I think we did that.” 

Different notes 

Kate Reid BSC (Silo, Great Expectations) was keen to work with director Ng Choon Ping, having seen his feature debut Femme. They shot episode four and six, with the latter set in France offering a contrast between the more hectic scenes of the rest of the series. 

“Episode four is quite a fast-moving story, a lot of which takes place at night, so we wanted to give the French story a different note,” she explains. “It should feel like a pause in the story and a different direction for Byron and his relationship with his mother.” 

To that end, Reid swapped the Hawks for K35 sphericals to better capture a sense of stillness and allow for more space in the frame. 

“We’re no longer in the confined, darker spaces of suburbia and inner city and instead outdoors where we wanted to feel that Byron had more freedom. To support that our colour palette is softer.” 

When she read the script it had said ‘Byron goes to Greece’. The episode was shot in south Wales, albeit with decent weather, and the original story location switched to Normandy. Scenes around a swimming pool were shot in Portishead. “I think these are my favourites scenes in episode six because it’s a moment of self-reflection and stillness for Byron. We put the Alexa 35 in underwater housing which I operated in the pool while standing on the bottom.” 

Most of Reid’s block was shot single camera accompanied by B cam operators Claire Pie and Tanya Marar ACO for episode four. The rest of the camera/grip/lighting team were as per Bell’s block.  

“Ping was very keen that when we see Byron come out in public as a girl in episode four we should film it in an intimate way discovering things as Byron sees them. She is very aware that everyone is looking at her and it’s different to how she has behaved in or experience that club before. I occasionally used some K35s for those scenes to have close focus on what the actor was doing rather than being restricted which you can something be with anamorphic [when shots have to be within a certain minimum focus].” 

Freedom to explore 

Spanish DP Neus Ollé (Deadwater Fell, La Hija de un Ladrón) BSC AEC photographed the final two episodes for director Marie Kristiansen. Episode seven is almost entirely set in a prison and represented a departure in both look and set. 

“This actually gave us quite a freedom to create as we wanted,” she explains. “For Byron, being in jail is a shock and that’s what we aimed to reflect. Our aim was to enhance the feeling of how scared and isolated he must feel.” 

The location was a combination of Gloucester Prison (a former prison) for corridors, yard, exterior and Raglan Barracks in Newport for classroom, kitchen, toilets, visitor room, and office. A set built for the interior cell and section corridor (matching the one in Gloucester). 

“We raised the corridor 3-4ft from the ground to be able to accommodate the scene where the camera transitions from cell to cell, showing all the characters. We wanted to create the feeling of one cell on top of another, therefore the camera had to be able to move across the floor.” 

They also accentuated a cold feeling with an almost monotone of blues. “Marie wanted to play with a mix of reality and hyper-reality,” Ollé says.  

While Byron is in a male prison and has to act to hide his identity in order to survive, in the finale by contrast he is dressed as a girl and fully accepts who she wants to be. “We keep the colour aesthetic from previous episodes and make it even brighter, with a more upbeat poppy style.”